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  • Writer's picture Laura Kern Ellis D. A. Hyp

Is this person for you?

Let's assume you haven't been intimidated by statistics, and you're not allowing your fears to keep you from seriously thinking about committing to the person you have been dating or living with. However, you're still not 100% sure that this person is "the"one for you, and you feel as if you really need to know if there is a way for you to be sure. Perhaps you feel as if you have been attracting relationships over and over again that seem to hold a common thread of dysfunction yet for reasons you can't seem to indentify stay in them anyway.

The two sides of rationalizing:

When you're faced with what seems a big decision that may have a profond effect effect on your life, it's often times tempting to resort to rationalization. After all it's human nature right? It's human nature to want to have plausible reasons to support your decisions. When we rationalize, however, we're usually not coming up with reasons so much as we are making excuses. Everyone I have worked with in the last 10 years that worked with me regarding their self-esteem core challenges knew in their hearts if the person they were with was truly right or wrong for them. Some people become so attached to the outcome or, attached to attachment they try to rationalize the relationship failures away. This is where individuals can make huge mistakes just in an effort to preserve an unhealthy or unfilling relationship. Often the need for attachment is manifested as an obsession with marriage.

There are many reasons and excuses people make in choosing their partner, however, at it's core is based on past conditioning in childhood 99% of the time. What this means is as adults they act out on default stemming from subconscious memory. We become the environments we were exposed to.

Here is another example: Have you tried or try to rationalize, or convice yourself, that some obvious flaw ( s ) the person has will go away? You cannot change a person, and critical flaws don't just "go away". They generally become worse in relationships.

Work on changing yourself, and as you follow through and do so you're relationships will change. No matter how old you are, no matter how many "failures" you've had, as I tell my clients, it's never too late to create the relationship of your dreams. You only have to want it and learn how.

Our 4 week online Relationship Masterclass Series begins registration on 3/17/2019 - 3/20/2019.

Visit: to learn more and sign up, under the Our Services tab.

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